ADHD Impulsivity: How To Build Better Coping Skills

ADHD Impulsivity: How To Build Better Coping Skills

Sometimes ADHD impulsivity makes coping skills invisible. And if you are an adult with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), you’re probably no stranger to impulsivity.

Your closet might be full of shirts you’ve never worn – and probably never will. You may often find yourself frustrating your friends by interrupting conversations to weigh in on the topic – or another topic entirely. In extreme cases, you might even make risky decisions about your health, safety, or relationships due to a lack of impulse control.

Why You’re Impulsive

At heart, impulsivity is a lack of inhibition. And, the pre-frontal cortex’s main job is INHIBITION. Current research suggests that people with ADHD have a more difficult time inhibiting action because they have very responsive limbic systems.

The thalamus is the part of the brain that controls response inhibition and it works like a gate— open or closed. Because of this, it either sends signals to allow or stop behaviors.

When anyone’s brain senses danger (red flag), and become triggered, its limbic-hippocampal connections relay a warning from the thalamus to the frontal cortex. That’s the control center of the brain that handles emotional expression and problem-solving. And when the frontal cortex is alerted to danger, it focuses on self-preservation (survival) and loses the ability to restrain emotions or problem-solve.

In ADHD brains, the thalamus gate is somewhat broken. That means a person with ADHD may not simply be rude or lack self-discipline. Rather, they may experience dysfunction in their interior signaling system. And these are some of the reasons that impulsivity can plague ADHD adults and compromise their coping skills.

What It’s Like For Neurotypical Brains

To compare, a neurotypical person might look at a pair of shoes and think “These are nice, but I don’t need them right now,” (inhibit action because they have access to problem solving and cognition). Comparatively, those with ADHD have already added them to their shopping cart and are headed for the checkout.

It’s one thing if we’re talking about going slightly over budget on a shopping trip or getting glared at by a buddy when you’ve interrupted him for the third time. It’s quite another when impulsivity causes you to struggle with substance abuse, cheat on your spouse, drive home from the bar after having one too many, or become aggressive.

Fortunately, there are strategies to tame your impulsive nature. Unfortunately, they require hard work, a lot of practice, and constant mindfulness. If you struggle with impulse control, here’s how to tame your racing brain.

Coping Strategies to Tame Your Impulsivity

1. Identify Your Triggers

Although most people with ADHD struggle with impulsivity, not all of us experience it the same way. For some, it might be overspending; for others, it’s primarily social situations.

Identify the areas where you struggle. Physically write down the problem, then come up with a list of possible solutions.

For instance

• Trigger: Speaking out of turn or interrupting others during work meetings.
  • Possible Strategies To Try:
    1. Count to ten before speaking.
    2. Pause and say “Let me think about that for a second” when asked a question.
    3. Jot down thoughts on paper to hold onto them, and not forget so you can stay present in the meeting
    4. Use a notetaking app and circle back around to them when appropriate.
    5. Remain on mute during Zoom calls unless directly addressed.
• Trigger: Spending too much money on impulse buys.
  • Possible Strategies To Try:
    1. Leave credit and debit cards at home.
    2. Only bring enough cash for what you need.
    3. Grocery shop online and use curbside delivery so you’re not tempted to buy impulse items.
    4. Allocate some “fun money” each month and recognize that when it’s gone, it’s gone.

• Trigger: Emotionally escalating and getting angry too easily.
  • Possible Strategies To Try:
    1. Take three deep breaths before responding to the situation.
    2. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
    3. Understand what you’re feeling – are you really angry, or are you tired, confused, frustrated or upset?
    4. Use “I…” statements rather than “You…” statements.
    5. Take a minute and table the issue if necessary and come back to it later with a cooler head.

As you can see above, there can be many options to help you, if you’re able to access them. And it’s important to have multiple strategies for each scenario because your strategies need to match different scenarios. Also, not every strategy will work every time. When you have something to fall back on, you’re still on the tightrope, but you have a safety net below you.

Some people however will do well to think things through first. This emotion/anger tracker can be a very helpful tool to help you think about your triggers when you’re not already triggered.

GO HERE to download your ‘Emotion/Anger Tracker’ Template

2. Look to the Future To Slow Down Decisions And Consider Consequences

Another way ADHD Impulsivity compromises coping skills, is that ADHD can make it difficult to see too far ahead. Many ADHD adults struggle to see anything other than “right now.” So it’s important to practice looking ahead and train yourself to think about the future. Regularly planning and keeping track of your time horizon (what’s coming down in the near future) can help tickle your memory and activate actions that can help you later.

Instead of punting decisions and actions into the nebulous future – “Meh, it’s not due yet, I still have time“, say to yourself  “If I don’t do this now, what will the consequences be down the road?”

Slowing things down in some cases, won’t be a big deal. For instance, the candy bar you threw in the cart at the check stand probably won’t break the bank. And your friends will forgive an occasional social gaffe. The budget report will still get done on time even if you spent 10 minutes checking your social media feeds.

But in other cases, it will be a big deal – sometimes a life-altering deal. At the casino, you intended to only drop $5 in a slot machine but somehow now the rent money is gone. Things got fuzzy at the club and now there’s a stranger in your bed. You burned the last bridge with your spouse, and they walked out. Although sensationalized, these things happen all the time, and MUCH more often with ADHD onboard.

If you’re an impulsive person, it’s important to “play the tape forward.” Before every big decision, Play ‘What If…’ and explore how it ends. And since you (probably) don’t have a crystal ball, that means using your best judgment and determining what the most likely outcome will be. If it’s something you can live with, great. If it’s not, knowing the consequences of your actions can be enough to hit pause and stop yourself from moving forward.

3. Develop Your Reflective Practice

A Reflective Practice is an excellent coping skill and is essential to improving impulsive action. Reflective practice is, in its simplest form, thinking about or reflecting on what you do. Reflecting helps you take life’s lessons and anchor the learning from each experience. Learning comes when you think about what you did, what happened, and then decide from that what you would do differently next time.

What makes a ‘reflective practice’ different from casual reflection, is that a reflective practice requires a conscious effort to think about events, and develop insights from the experiences. Reflecting follows this path: 1. Experience, 2. Consciously Reflect, 3. Conceptualize, 4. Apply to your future self.  IF you tend to get caught in the impulsivity/avoidance dance often, developing your own reflective practice can be a great coping skill.

If you’d like to try your own Reflective Practice, download this interactive question template and give it a try.

4. Consider Professional Help

Impulsive people don’t really stick to the rules. If you’ve tried to rein yourself in with little to no success, it might be time to reach out to a professional.  A certified ADHD coach can help you identify strategies tailored specifically to you.  Working with a professional helps you understand where and why you struggle, and, most importantly, how to stop struggling. With an effective coaching relationship, you’ll learn strategies to disempower your internal dialog of the ‘inner critic’. You’ll learn to pause, pivot, repattern, remember, act and succeed. And ultimately, you’ll learn how to function at your best.

Book your FREE Discovery Call with me today and together, we’ll get your impulsivity in check!